Monday, December 23, 2013

Merry Christmas, Y'all!


Man, it's awesome to wake up late on a no school day with no kids and a quiet house. Wait a minute....we only left one of them at Nanny's! AND IT'S QUIET?!?!?!

I quickly throw on the first pants and shirt I find, and tear downstairs when I hear a quiet, sing-songy noise.

"Let it go, let it go!"

Phew, I've found Emma. She's downstairs singing  the song from "Fwo-zing" when I find her. There's about half a platter of cookies missing, a glittery lipstick factory has exploded in her face, and...oh crap! It's the last trash pick-up day before Christmas!

Randomly run through the house collecting the trash, get it together, and haul the 16-foot pile of recyclables out to the my apparel from earlier.

Of course, as I gallop outside in my inside-out exercise shorts, Girlie Girls t-shirt with a pudding stain down the front, my boots, and no bra, the neighbors emerge. Yes, the ones in the Russian mob that run a used car
lot as a front. Yes, the ones that I haven't seen outside since the 4th of July. It's all I could do to keep from screaming "Merry Christmas! The sh!tter's full..."

I guess you could say the Christmas madness has begun. Yesterday was the first of many Christmas gatherings this year. We got together with my mom's side of the family, which is always a hoot! I love watching all the kids together...and by kids, I mean my generation's my uncle and my husband. This year's theme?  Nerfpocalypse 3.0. I think you can figure out the rest.

Well, we get in the truck to go home, and of course Blondie and Rae-Rae are arguing about...I dunno, something. Blondie asks, "Where is Aunt Helen's dad?" (Meaning her husband, who's visitation is memorialized in 'Putting the Fun Back in Funeral'.)

"Honey, he died and he lives in heaven now."

"So, they put him in a hole?"

"Well, his body, yes, but his heart is in heaven with Jesus."

"When he died?"

"Yes, honey."

"Well.....Chwis Wock died."

"Oh no! I am so sorry for your loss. But....I thought he died yesterday?"

"Ugh! Mah-ahm, he died yesterday, and today, and he's gonna die again tomorrow."

"Well, I am so sorry for your loss."

"Why did you say that, Mom?"

"Because it's what you say when you hear about somebody losing someone, or when something really sad like that happens."


"You're welcome, honey. I'm glad he's in heaven now."

*deafening pause of silence*

"Hey mommy, I'm so sowwy for yoh FACE!"

Rae-Rae begins snorting and giggling. "Hey, that was a good one!"


Sorry for the interruption...Blondie's sitting in the floor in her booster seat watching Sophia the First when she leans back and pulls some Shaun White crap. And yes, being the howwible  muthah that I am, I laughed at her.

If I get caught up in the rush and don't post again before Christmas, I hope each and every one of you has a blessed Christmas. Please reach out to someone outside your normal festivities this year. Whether it's a friend that's alone for the first time this Christmas or an elderly neighbor sitting alone and thinking of happier Christmases past, pick up the phone and give them a call. Drop by with a plate of cookies. Take the kids over to ruin their house for a few minutes. What's the worst that could happen? You interrupt the 'A Christmas Story' marathon? But you never know when you may be their lifeline. Just reach out...and bless their hearts.

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