Momma's Curse: Part 1

Enjoy a bonus installment for the weekend! Part 1 of a 3-part series...depending on how the kids behave this weekend. It could end up being much, much longer.

“Boy, when you grow up and get married and have kids, I hope they’re just like you.”When you hear a momma say this, she’s not talking about hugs and kisses, and helping little old ladies across the street. Once these words have been uttered, your days are numbered...'cuz Momma knows.

We often forget about the curse doing our young adult years. We go off to college, party a little, study a little, and drain our parents’ bank accounts until ‘it’ happens. We meet that special someone that rocks our world six ways to Sunday. Chances are, they are the most beautiful/handsome person ever born, they have a 4.0 without ever cracking a book, and they teach Indonesian children how to raise bamboo and milk sheep in their spare time.

 Before long, the two of you are taking naps on Sunday afternoons, going to visit his granny in the nursing home, and he knows which weekend of the month to show up with a fun–sized candy bar and a truck load of tampons. Did I say a fun-sized candy bar? I meant, a bag of fun-sized candy bars. If you show up with one of those bite-size Snickers, the only sugar you're gonna get is still on the shelf at the Dollar General. Gentlemen, by the time you’re out of the doghouse, your Everlasting Gobstoppers will have withered to Runts.

But it’s at this point in the relationship that certain things need to be discussed.

1. When are you going to put a ring on it? 

2. Where are we going to live?
3. Do we want to have children?

4. Did your momma put the curse on you? 

Ladies, there are a couple of important lessons to be learned here. The male species, known in the scientific community as Bullcrapacoccus Procreatoris, lies. Second, but equally as important, male children are born with a certain condition that affects them from the moment they leave the womb, but don’t hold your breath waiting on it to be discussed in the New England Journal of Medicine.

There is a ligament that connects the cochlea, located in the inner ear, to the male reproductive organ. From the earliest stages of development, the male species is unable to process multiple female signals simultaneously.

TO BE CONTINUED...