Let's Give It Up for God!

Every November, heathens around the world return to their dark, appreciative souls to give thanks for all that they have. I'm just kidding....kinda. That's the first thing I'm thankful for:  that God is understanding. He doesn't get mad at us and punish us when we ignore him; He loves us no matter what! We are the friend that calls 23 times a day when we they need something, but loses our number the rest of the time. But what's awesome about God is that He never holds a grudge, He never turns his back on us, and He's always there waiting on us to answer that call. I promise you, God will never push the 'Silence Call' button to get rid of us. He won't even erase your name off of the Book of Life for not sharing that picture on Facebook. 

Ya'll, I have a lot to be thankful for, so it's not gonna be one thing per day. Some days I may not include the thanks section at all, but don't let your mind fool you:  I'm still thankful. 

Another thing I'm thankful for is God's timing. Y'all are going to think I'm lying on this one, but I'm not:  I've been known to be a bit of a downer. "And the Understatement of the Year award goes to....Semantic Sister!" I have hit rock bottom so many times that my rear end has the complexion of Tommy Lee Jones sans ProActiv. I've been the hermit that stays in pajamas for days at a time. I've been the woman who's head starts spinning when the kids ask for that video game one...more...time. I've been the crazy lady that cries at AT&T commercials. Not because of the sappy music in the background...because I'm thinking of an old friend that has no one to call.

I've been the suicidal woman that was so cloaked in loneliness, anger and hopelessness that I thought my family would've been better without me. If I was gone, my husband could find a woman that could be the mother my children deserved. I've been the woman so tired of gasping for air that it angered me to wake up in the morning because it meant one more day of fighting a battle with no victory. I've been the woman that has panic attacks when being around a group of strangers because I didn't know who I should pretend to be.

If you're struggling with depression or terminal hopelessness, I promise you there's hope out there. There's a question that you've probably been asked a thousand times and just brushed it off. If you were stranded on a deserted island, what would you want to have with you? I always thought, for some reason, that it would be a pen and paper. I couldn't tell you why, but that's what my heart said. After a lifetime of wondering why I'm here and what I'm supposed to doing, I realize that my life has been for a reason! God wasn't ignoring me for all those years; He was equipping me with the tools I needed to succeed:  my family. 

I started this blog less than a month ago, and immersing myself in writing has completely changed my outlook and my life. For the first time in my life, God has shown me that I can be the warped, slightly off-color, politically incorrect woman that He made me, and I won't be cast into the pit for it. For the first time in my life, I am revealing who I truly am. For the first time in my life, I wake up in the morning and look forward to pouring my heart out on paper (or website). 

Y'all, I'm not vanilla. I'm not made from the mold that most demure, socially-acceptable ladies are. I'm some unknown flavor that the big baker in the sky put together just to see how it would turn out. I think I may have fallen off the counter and landed icing down on the floor, but I've been picked up, smoothed over, and decorated with sprinkles. I am that 13th cupcake in the baker's dozen.  I drive the anal people insane because I don't go gently into a symmetrical, linear arrangement. I drive others crazy because I just don't fit and I mess up all of their neat, orderly plans. But some people, who are a little flexible and grateful for anything they can get, are happy for the little freebie that they've gotten. 

So, y'all, the next time you feel like you don't have a reason to be, or a reason to get up in the morning, or a purpose in this life, just be patient. At some point in my life, I will consider myself successful if I have my writing published and can put a smile on the face of at least one person in the world. And those years when I thought God was ignoring me? He was just giving me new material. 

If you know anyone that is struggling with depression, please reach out to them. Call them up out of the blue. Drop by and ask them to go run errands with you. Share a cup of coffee! (Well, maybe two cups:  one would just be swappin' spit.)  If you are the one, feel free to contact me. You can e-mail me through this page. If you are a friend in real life, use a fake name if you don't want me to know who you are. If I don't know you, a lot of times it's easier to talk to a stranger than to someone who's going to tell you why you should be happy. I'm not a licensed counselor or shrink, but I am a 20-year veteran of this battle.

So, today, I am thankful for God and His perfect timing and purpose. (And for my son, Bubby, who appreciates that I can cluck excerpts from Saint-Saen's Samson and Delilah like a chicken. We're kinda funny like that.)