Facing Your Fear...

Pick it up.

“Oh, hi, Dad! Sorry I haven’t called lately. I’ve been kinda busy.”

Hi, baby girl. (He smiles.) You know I’m not talking about the phone.

“Things are going really good...well, a lot better. It’s getting a little easier...I know, I can call you whenever I need you. (pause) Thanks.”

It wasn’t easy for me either, you know? You’re my baby girl, and I’ll always be here. Pick it up.   

“Can we just talk about something else please? The bad times are behind me, and I really don’t want to relive it all over again.”

I’m not trying to hurt you, but you have to take something away from it all. (He rests his face in his hand as he wonders how to get through to me.) You’re gonna have to pick it up.

“Would you just drop it? Why don’t you ever listen to me? You act like you know what’s best for me, but you don’t. You’ve never been down the road I’m on! Do you just want to see me cry? I’m done with that. I’ve cried about it, I’ve moved on, and I’m not going back.”  My lip starts quivering, and I’m so glad he can’t see me right now. Tears of anger are starting to appear, and my chest is aching in that nondescript way. Why is he doing this to me?

(He starts doodling on his desk pad as he talks me through it.) I haven’t been down your road, but I’ve looked at the map. Please pick it up.

“If you knew how much this hurt, you wouldn’t ask me to do this. I beat it, remember? I made it through, I closed that chapter, and I can’t go back. Why do you want me to relive a nightmare? I survived once…I don’t think I can again. Please, daddy, don’t ask me to do this.”  My anger has dissipated, and I am suddenly scared for my life. “Something’s not right…there’s someone in here…someone I know…not supposed to be here…should be alone…why can’t I see them?! Daddy, I need you! (sobs escape from my broken heart) WHY AREN’T YOU HERE, DADDY?”

Princess, I’m right here. I’m right here on the other end of the line, honey. Just pick it up.
Pick… it… up.

“No! I….I….I don’t remember what to do. I’m just gonna wait. Daddy, I can’t. I’m sorry, Daddy. I can’t do it.”

Honey, you’re breaking my heart. I’ll do anything for you…I gave you everything I had. You’ve got to meet me halfway. Pick.It.Up.

            (Silence…sniff, sniff...) “Will you hold my hand? I can’t do this alone. Daddy, will you?”

Yes, baby girl, I’ll always be here to hold your hand…no matter what. If you’ll pick it up, I’ll carry you…I promise. I’ve shown you what you have to do, and now it’s time.

            “Um…okay. But please don’t let go, daddy! I’m so scared.”

I’ll never let you go, honey. Cross my heart.

With a desperation I’ve never known before, I slowly reached down and picked it up. I expected to use every bit of my strength, but once he picked me up, it was indescribably right. 

I’m so thankful that He is my daddy. 

My pencil has never felt so light.