Cut the H8 in 1/2

You shall not hate your brother in your heart…- Leviticus 19:17

A friend of mine said something the other day that, while so simple, it encompassed so much of what is ailing our society.

CUT THE HATE IN HALF.

People are so stinkin’ judgmental these days. You can’t so much as crap in a public toilet without offending somebody. Would you mind keepin’ it down over there? I’m tryin’ to order a pizza.

You’ve got poor people being judged for being poor.

"Can you believe people go out in public looking like that? You could at least wash your hair and put on clean clothes, you lazy bum."

Well, let’s play peek-a-boo into their life for a minute. What you don’t see, Judge Wapner, is that he looks dirty because he’s working graveyard shift at the dump so that he can carry health insurance for his family. What you don’t see is that although he busts his butt 16-18 hours a day, he can’t keep his family more than one paycheck away from the streets. What you don’t see is that buying jeans without holes at Goodwill could mean having the power shut off. What you don’t see is that if the power gets shut off again, his baby girl’s medicines will go bad within hours. Not cough syrup, not the OTC stuff for the sniffles…the anti-nausea medicines that make her life a little less hellish after her weekly round of chemo.

You’ve got people being shunned because their body is covered in tattoos.

"My goodness, how am I supposed to enjoy my dinner when our waiter has the names of his, most likely, illegitimate children scribbled across his forearms? They should reconsider the quality of people they have working here."

What you don’t see is that he’s a waiter because he got his girlfriend pregnant in college and, rather than dropping his now wife off at the Welfare office, he chose to quit college and go to work to provide for his albeit unexpected family. What you don’t see is that the names tattooed on his body are his battle scars…each letter a reminder of their babies that God took home long before they were ready to let them go. What you don’t see is that this tatted up man is the best daddy you’ve ever seen to his little girl. What you don’t see is how he can’t wait to get off work tonight…not to go out drinking and raisin’ cane with the guys, but because it’s then that if he catches the red lights just right, he gets home in time to tuck his princess in, and ask her what she learned in school that day. But tonight, that won’t happen. You see, when you finish looking down your nose at him and your empty plate, you’re gonna go outside and notice that you have a flat tire.  And when he should be tucking his princess in, he’ll be the one staying out a little later than usual to help change your tire. 

You’ve got people being hated for what they look like.

"If I was that fat, I think I’d just shoot myself. I can’t even watch people like that eat. She is just disgusting!"

What you don’t see is that the medicine that keeps her from killing herself also made her gain 40 pounds. What you don’t see is that she turns to food because it’s never broken her heart…it’s never told her that she wasn’t worth being loved…it’s never told her that she’s just not good enough. What you don’t see is that if people can judge her by her weight, then they won’t look any further and find how to cut her any more deeply. What you don’t see is that being addicted to food is like being addicted to air:  you can’t just quit.

You’ve got people being judged for how they raise their children.

"I swear, someone should call DEFACS on them. No child should have to live in conditions like that. Have you seen them? One little boy is wearing shorts in freezing weather, the other boy has holes in every pairs of pants, and that little girl…well, her hair doesn’t look like it’s ever been brushed, and have you ever seen a skinnier child? I bet she never gets a hot meal."

What you don’t see is that in a world full of hurt and pain, wearing shorts makes the kid happy because it reminds him of a place he used to love. What you don’t see is that he gets bullied because he’s not built like most of the other kids. What you don’t see is how worried he is when he finds out that, as of last weekend, his friend is living in a camper in someone’s driveway. What you don’t see is that the boy with the holey jeans could teach you so much about compassion for others. What you don’t see is that when a mentally-disabled teenager ran up and grabbed him at the park last week, he didn’t scream…or run away….or slap at him. He patted him on the back, said “hey man, thanks for helping me up.” What you don’t see is that the little girl hasn’t been tainted by other people’s opinions yet. She loves stomping mud puddles… she wears camouflage and baseball caps…she doesn’t know that soon enough, people will be judging her for every move she makes, and how her hair looks in the meantime. For now, her parents can suffer the judgment. What you don’t see is that while being offered a hot meal every night, the only thing she’ll eat is applesauce. What you don’t see is the look on their mother’s face when others condemn her innocent children for what they see as her lack of effort to protect her most prized possessions in the world.

You’ve got people who judge women for being single moms. 

What you don’t see is the strength it took for them to leave the abusive monster they were with. What you don’t see is the terror at realizing that from the moment that baby is born, you are everything. What you don’t see is the fear she felt, packing up her children and the clothes on their backs, and sneaking out while he’s passed out from a three-day drunk.  What you don’t see is how she prays every morning that her baby doesn’t get sick at daycare because if she has to leave work one more time, she’s gonna lose her job. What you don’t see is how she lies awake at night, wondering if she’ll ever meet a man that will love her child like his own.

You’ve got women who are judged for being married multiple times. 

What you don’t see is the heartbreak when the one that’s supposed to love them forever loves someone else. What you don’t see is the courage it takes to try again after being hurt so badly. What you don’t see is how her self-worth dies a little more when it doesn’t work out again….and again…. and again. What you don’t see is how she wants to die every time ‘the one’ turns out to be ‘the wrong one’. What you don’t see is that no matter what he did to her, she still sees herself as the problem… as the reason it didn’t work… as the one that needs to be fixed.

Where do kids learn to hate like this? To quote the great anti-drug commercial from the 1980’s, “I learned it by watching you, okay?!”  Kids aren’t born hating people. If you’ve ever seen a baby blowing raspberries, or doing that precious belly laugh that makes them shake like a bowl of Jell-O, you know that something that innocent and sweet can’t harbor hatred. It’s not possible.

So, the next time you’re at Wal-Mart at midnight and you see an old clunker driving up the aisle, smokin’ like a chimney, take a moment to think about it before you roll your eyes and roll up the windows. Do you really think those are the wheels they chose when they won the lottery? Maybe it’s not a beer run…maybe it’s an ‘I had to wait for my check so I could get my little man a birthday present this year’ run.

Parents, STOP JUDGING OTHER PARENTS. Do you really think anybody wants to be a bad parent? No! We are all doing the best we can, so shut up, keep your hateful comments to yourself, and try giving somebody a pat on the back…without a knife in your hand.

I’ll take a compassionate child wearing third generation hand-me-downs over an entitled brat in Polo jeans and $100 tennis shoes any day of the week. So I don’t take my daughter to get her nails done at the spa…big deal. But guess what? That little girl with the falling down ponytail that you look down your nose at? She thinks I hung the moon because I painted her nails like candy corn and cuddled with her during cartoons, instead of washing dishes.

Quit judging people. It makes you look stupid. It makes you ugly. It makes you mean. It makes you cold. It makes you hateful. And I’m not judging you…those are the facts.