*****
Leroy was never what you would call an attractive dog.
You’ve heard the saying ‘never seen an ugly baby.’ I always thought that
applied to puppies, too, but God broke the mold after making poor Leroy. God
truly doesn’t make mistakes, but He is also a loving and compassionate God, and
consequently He never made another creature
that homely. Leroy was a rescue dog. He used to belong to Mr. Johnson, but
everything changed with the NSPCA came to town. They wanted to shoot their new
commercial in our town’s new Animal Shelter, and they decided to wander around
town and get a feel for it before rolling the cameras. Now Mr. Johnson’s place
was on the backside of beyond, but of course, these tree-hugging,
dog-stroller-pushing fanatics were on him like stank on a fart. I don’t want to
go into too much detail here. Just know that there was an incident involving
Mr. Johnson, his basset hound quartet, a water hose, and a fifth of Jose Cuervo
that resulted in Leroy’s immediate removal. If you want to know the rest of the story, Sunday
services start at 10:30.
I’m sure you’ve seen the commercials on television begging
for money for abused animals, and I genuinely feel sorry for these animals. How
anyone could starve, abuse or chain up animals is beyond me. But, in this era
of political correctness, I can’t help but wonder if they don’t use the donations
to buy organic, gluten-free tofu chews for Sparky the one-eyed mutt, or fur-conditioning,
breast-enhancing catnip for a schizophrenic, bisexual kitten named Glen/Glenda.
But back to Leroy…
Leroy’s gigantic ears drew people to him instantly. Soft and
floppy, they begged people to pet him. Leroy’s smile would melt the heart of the
Grinch. It advertised his pleasant disposition and loyalty like a billboard advertising *ahem* struggling young women in college on I-75 south of Perry. But Leroy, bless his heart, was as cross eyed as paranoid Siamese twins, which put some
serious constraints on his hunting skills.
****
Leroy has quite the adventure, just so you know. Help spread the word, and help Leroy's story come to fruition! <3
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